


I want to go back

by who_seeks_shall_find



Series: Life as I see it [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Love, Nightmares, detached feelings, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14879444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_seeks_shall_find/pseuds/who_seeks_shall_find
Summary: Oliver has been back at home for a week after his imprisonment. Yet, he feels somehow detached from his family.





	I want to go back

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of the series about Oliver's imprisonment and a year after it. This drabble takes place after a week of Oliver's release from prison.
> 
> I'm going to write a series which will be updated once a day (if it's just possible). It's going to include 122 drabbles about Oliver, Felicity, William and other characters who are involved in their lives. Therefore, it's going to take approximately four months to finish the series. The drabbles are linked to each other but they're NOT in a CHRONOLOGICAL order.
> 
> I wish that every character is respected without unnecessary hatred.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Oliver was sitting at the dinner table with his family. They were eating dinner and William talked to Felicity about some school project. Felicity asked questions enthusiastically. Oliver was there and he smiled at his family but he didn’t feel like he was part of it so he just let his thoughts to drift. 

It went without saying that Oliver was glad at being back at home. He had been back for a week now and he was grateful that he could spend time with his son and wife. However, he knew that this was another adjustment. His son and wife had learned how to cope without him. They had to learn how live their lives without him being around. 

Now they had to learn how to live together again and it wasn’t like going back was an option. Things had changed. All of them had changed during his time away and sometimes Oliver missed the old times because there were still so many unspoken things. It was like Oliver was detached from his family.

Felicity occasionally seemed to be far away in her own bubble. It was particularly obvious when she was scrolling her tablet. Luckily, she always became herself when there were people around her. Oliver knew that there was nothing new about her being in her own bubble sometimes. Yet, she hadn’t been that distracted that often before. 

In addition, William was closed. It was like he didn’t know how act around Oliver anymore. William never wanted to be alone with him. He always found a way to avoid him or ignore his presence. It was like William couldn’t trust him to stick around.

It hurt Oliver that he didn’t know how to make things right. He didn’t know what was going on with his wife and he didn’t how to build the trust between him and his son again. He often felt like his family didn’t want him there. 

William and Felicity had their own secrets and their own private jokes. They could just look at each other and start laughing. They had their own bed time rituals now and their morning routines were also different from the past. Oliver had tried to find away how to be a part of their lives once again but it just seemed like he was intruding.

He let out a deep sigh and he noticed that both, Felicity and William, were looking at him waiting. He had missed something. Damn it. He had just played with his food and he hadn’t been present. Felicity cleared her throat.

“How was your day, Oliver?” Felicity obviously asked again so Oliver put on his brave face and smiled at them.

“It was fine. I dealt with some mayoral things and the Green Arrow stuff. I’m trying to get our lives back on the track, you know”, Oliver answered and shrugged. 

Felicity smiled at him sweetly but William was wearing Oliver’s stone face. He was a way to familiar with it. It sometimes surprised him how much William could look like him and act like him. 

William stood up and took his dirty dishes. He excused himself and said: “Glad you had a good day, dad. Thanks for the dinner.”

Felicity smiled at him but Oliver just frowned while William walked away from the room. He couldn’t handle how politely William acted around him. He wanted to see William’s feelings. Oliver wanted him to be angry at him. He wanted his son to yell at him. Now it felt like they were just walking on egg shells. 

After a while, William’s head popped up again into the room and he asked: “Could you come later and help me out, Felicity. There’s no rush. Take your time.”

Felicity nodded and William’s head disappeared from the doorway. Oliver turned to look at Felicity who was still eating her dinner. 

“Is there something wrong with him? Why does he need help?” Oliver asked frowning. 

Felicity patted his hand reassuringly and said: “Oh, he’s fine. Just some school stuff, you know.”

“How could I know? He doesn’t tell me anything anymore. He’s avoiding me and he’s overly polite. I don’t know what to do”, Oliver said defeated. 

Felicity smiled at him knowingly so she stood up and came next to him. She sat on his lap folding her arm around his neck. 

“You know most parents would be glad if their kids acted politely”, she smirked and winked her eye. Oliver let out a small frustrated growl. 

Then she continued: “But I know what you mean. He’ll come around sooner or later. You just have to be patient. I have always thought that being angry with someone and showing them that you are angry is a part of trust. Right now, William doesn’t trust you enough. He doesn’t trust that you’ll stick around so he doesn’t know how to be angry with you. However, you will regain his trust.”

Oliver nodded and hold Felicity tighter against his chest. He couldn’t help but notice that she hadn’t been angry with him. Was she telling him that she didn’t trust him? Was that the reason why she sometimes disappeared into her own world? He wanted to ask what was going on with her but then Felicity stood up and waved her hand towards William’s room.

“I should go to see how he’s doing”, she whispered and took the first steps towards William’s room. 

Oliver was still sitting at the dinner table. He couldn’t follow his wife and go there. Once again, he wasn’t a part of that so he collected the remaining dishes and heard how his wife and son were laughing at something. 

He was grateful for William and Felicity’s relationship. It was so pure and beautiful and he wanted to be a part of that. He rinsed the dishes and walked towards William’s room. He saw a peek of them. Felicity was explaining something with her hands and William was almost breathless with laughter. Suddenly, Oliver didn’t want to interrupt them because he changed the dynamics.

He changed the course of his steps and walked to the bedroom. He needed a hot shower so he headed to their bathroom. He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower. Hot water poured over him and it calmed his nerves a little. Then he heard how the bathroom door opened and closed. 

Felicity took her clothes off and climbed into the shower with him. Oliver faced her and Felicity touched his stubble. Oliver tugged her hair behind her ears. Warm water poured over them and they just stood there looking at each other. Suddenly, Felicity crashed her naked body against him. Her lips kissed his collarbone. 

He moaned with pleasure and surprise. Her hands travelled across his body exploring. He closed his eyes and just tried to concentrate on breathing.

Felicity bit his earlobe and whispered: “You know that we will learn to trust you again and we will yell at you. You’re not done apologizing. Be patient with us like we have been with you. We will work through this.” 

Oliver didn’t answer because he didn’t want to lie. Not anymore. He wasn’t sure if they could work through this. He had hurt his family and it made him feel physically sick. He wanted to fight for them but he couldn’t believe that Felicity or William were able to forgive him. Then Felicity became stiff when she realized that Oliver hadn’t answer her. She looked at his eyes.

“I’m mad at you, even furious but I can’t ignore the fact that you are finally here. When you were gone, I was in a constant pain. William was in a constant pain. Now I just want to drink you in. I’ll be mad at you later when I’m not this desperate to feel you and enjoy the fact that you’re back with us. Okay?” Felicity explained. 

“Okay,” Oliver whispered and there was a silence between them.

Oliver could live with that. He was more than okay with that. They were going to be angry with him. They were going to let it out some day but now it was his turn to kiss her furiously. They tangled to each other and they just drank each other in. It was a start. They stayed in the shower enjoying their physical connection for a long time.

After the shower, Oliver and Felicity were in the bed. Felicity had pressed her cheek against Oliver’s chest. It felt like home. Oliver draw small circles on her back and she hummed with contentment. They were drifting to sleep and eventually their breathing slowed down and other movements ceased. Their dreams took over.

Yet, soon Oliver woke up. He didn’t know what had startled him. It was dark and he jumped to a sitting position. He scanned the room but it was empty. Felicity wasn’t next to her and the sheets weren’t warm, either. His instincts took over and he was in a full Green Arrow mode. 

He jumped out of the bed and walked towards William’s room. He saw a small beam of light coming from the room to the dark corridor. It was dim and it didn’t quite calm his nerves. He needed to see William with his own eyes and then find Felicity. 

He quietly opened the door and to his surprise he found Felicity laying down on the bed. William had pressed his head to her shoulder and it looked like he was sleeping. Felicity calmly stroked his hair. There were stains of tears on her shirt. 

Felicity looked up when she heard him coming in. She pressed her finger to her lips and motioned him to be quiet. Oliver froze and didn’t move any closer. He just watched his wife and son. Felicity carefully lifted William’s head from her shoulder and put a pillow under his head. She slowly climbed out of the bed and when she was standing, she smiled at William and pressed a small kiss to his temple. 

She whispered something that sounded like: “Sleep well, my sweet boy.”

He looked at his son who now looked peaceful but obviously there had been some distress. His heart broke for him a little more. Felicity came closer to him and grabbed his hand. She walked out of the room with him looking over her shoulder one more time. 

When they were out of the room, Felicity smiled at him sadly and said: “Sometimes he needs help with his nightmares. They were better but now they are re-emerging.” 

She shrugged helplessly and Oliver said nothing. Instead, he looked the tear stains on her shirt. This was worse than he had known. 

He couldn’t help but ask: “How did you know that he was having a nightmare? I heard nothing and I’m not exactly a heavy sleeper.”

They were walking towards their bedroom and she responded: “I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to check on him because he has given me hints about having nightmares. Tonight I found him whimpering and he was tangled to his sheets. He was covered with sweat. I couldn’t just look at him having a nightmare so I woke him up. First, he was startled but soon he realized it was me. Then he just started sobbing and I couldn’t leave him alone until I knew he was peaceful again. It’s kind of pattern already.”

Oliver was silent for a moment processing everything. Finally, he broke the silence asking more question: “Is this usual for him? To have nightmares, I mean. “

Felicity shrugged once again and opened their bedroom door. After a while she said with a small voice: “It comes and goes. Sometimes they are really intense and he wakes up screaming. Sometimes he just feels sad and helpless. I know that he has nightmares quite often but usually he pretends that it is fine. He doesn’t like if I try to ask about them. He’s just like you in that way.”

Oliver didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like the fact that his son was bottling up his feelings. He needed him to deal with his pain, not bury it deep inside. Nevertheless, Oliver wasn’t the best one to give that lecture because ignoring and burying feelings was his best coping mechanism.

Felicity and Oliver climbed back into the bed. They turned to look at each other. 

“Was he having nightmares when I was gone?” Oliver asked. 

Felicity shortly replied: “Yes.”

Oliver felt terrible and he just hoped that time would be a good healer. However, gratefulness washed over him. He could never express how grateful he was for his wife. He took her closer to him. 

He snuggled his nose to her cheek and sighed: “You’re a good mom and a remarkable person. I’m sorry and I love you.”

Felicity stroked his cheek and smiled at him. There was no need for words. 

Eventually, she drifted to sleep but Oliver was still wide awake. He was thinking how he would make everything up to them if they just let him. He was never going to give up on them. Figuratively speaking, he just needed a perfect storm and a little sun shine after it.

**Author's Note:**

> Update for tomorrow:  
> Oliver wants to know what is going on with his wife. Once he finds out, he doesn't know how to react.


End file.
